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Illustration by @_ximena.arias
Sharvari stood by the window overlooking the lawn,her smudged Kohl and her carefree locks made her face appear like the Black cloud on a Foggy Winter Morning.Her eyes poured out all that she had and she looked at Mayank for the last time.Her heart broke into a million pieces and she felt like stopping him but she couldn't.Mayank walked with long strides and Sharvari could feel the amount of pain he was carrying within him.Sharvari remembered all the beautiful years she spent with Mayank watching the butterflies fluttering in the school garden to going out for a movie for the first time in college.Sharvari still remembers how Mayank used to walk back with her on those lonely summer noons,how he watched her smiling at him and he stood at a distance to see her safely going inside her house.Over the years Mayank and Sharvari had lived the life of togetherness though not living under the same roof.
Sharvari frantically tried calling Divakar for the hundreth time since morning and she got no response yet again.She tried calling his friends,his colleagues but none knew about his whereabouts.Sharvari's dark circles and wrinkles clearly reflected the helplessness and anxiety she had been in.She tried to come to terms with her destiny which she chose for the last fifteen years,but Everytime she tried to maintain stability,she failed.Sometimes she wondered if happiness ever knew her address.She remembers the time her family opposed to her choice to get married to Mayank and tried every means to make her come to terms with them.She still remembers how her mother casually told her just a fortnight before their engagement-" Forget him,he is not the right one for you." Sharvari tried hard to convince her family but for them caste,colour and income held a superior position than Love.
Since then Sharvari became a rebel,she knew she was harming herself when she made up her mind to marry Divakar just to teach her family a lesson.She wanted to prove to them that she doesn't believe in the labels put by the society.Divakar liked Sharvari since her college days but Sharvari never reciprocated his feelings because she was Mayank's.When she saw the love of her life going away from her and a relationship of eleven years meant nothing infront of societal tags,she gave up on love and thought to marry someone who loves her.Sharvari's innocent heart believed that mutual love isn't necessary for a successful bond.She unknowingly put the burden on Divakar to love her without loving back.She wanted him to make her feel special, Happy and comfortable but she failed to realize the awkward silence in their marital life.
Every time she went out with Divakar her eyes would search for Mayank, every time Divakar brought her flowers,she would run to open the pages of her diaries where the dried roses still emitted the freshness of Mayank's love for Sharvari.
Divakar tried hard to bridge the gap but Sharvari felt his touch foreign and her lips still remembered the fragrance of Mayank.
For the last fifteen years both of them were trying hard to play the roles of husband and wife but Sharvari knew that even when they lived under the same roof,the distance between them were of light years.Sharvari tried contacting Mayank only to find out that he was battling with Cancer and his days were numbered.
Sharvari knew Divakar was busy with some business trip or meeting and didn't care to inform her.She somehow knew it was her fault.So she stopped complaining.All her life she searched for happiness but it seems God too didn't want to see her happy,just when a few years back Happiness seemed to have been knocking at their door, Sharvari was diagnosed with an acute problem which cursed her from enjoying the joy of Motherhood.Since then things went worse.
Divakar's message popped up on her screen, "Sharvari I am fine and tired of playing the role of your husband,let's end up acting.Once I return I will file the divorce.I should have realized much before that Sharvari can never be Divakar's.
Sharvari wondered why do families don't understand when they say -" Love is not enough". For her and for so many Sharvaris all they ever want is Love.
She thanked God for not blessing her with Motherhood,she feared that she too could have become the reason for her daughter's disturbed life trying to fit in to the labels put up by the Society and in the course of justifying her position in the society,she could have done injustice to her child.
Part of the Life collection
Updated on January 27, 2021
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