Until I lose

I've been dead for so long now, that real death seems easier to me. I desire the easier path, we all do. But even if it is the easier one, I've chosen the tough path all along.

Fighting with being dead and alive together is a part of my life.
Chester Bennington said, "Who cares if one more light goes out?"
I say no one cares. Because none did care when I slowly died inside, day by day. No one helped me to come out from it. I cried for help. Now I have forgotten what help is like. I won't ask for it anymore.

I asked them, "why don't I want to be alive anymore?"
And the answer I got, "you have no reason to be dead, so don't think that way."

I didn't choose this way of thinking. I used to love my life, I used to have dreams.
It's not a choice. Sometimesitbecomesa necessity. It's not giving up, it's more like losing a fight.

I'm not weak, because I have fought this till now, and I will, until I lose. Don't call me a coward when I'm no more to be seen, cause I have ceased to see my own self for a long time and still looking for my real self always keeping a little hope inside.

Stay well & blessed.