Who I am ?

I got up with the beep sound on my iPhone. I received a good morning message from yo jiu. As if this message for the first time has shaken me up with an enormous sense of guilt in me. How did this happen ? I used to eagerly wait for this message.. to reply back during coffee breaks in my work hours coz the time lag was such that when you you wake up I would have half of my workday through... I wonder ...about whats so different about this morning ?  Is it because of losing control or my subconscious mind has actually no feelings for you ....I dunno..You were the cutest thing that ever happened to me....My childhood friend ..Who grew up to be a confident young woman..Whom I saw my future with...Then wat happened ? More than this I am wondering about what next ? Should I tell you this ? Or should I keep it in me for eternity ? No...This is not who I am ... I can not scrunch all your trust that you have in me...But had I already not done that ? What if u start disgusting me if I tell you abt this mistake that I made? No!  whatever it is ...I can't keep it in...I will tell you this...As I can't hide anything from you my love...I know my destiny may not have you with me...Coz of what I did ...But this is the right thing to do...I am taking your leave now love...Its mt fault and I have to bear it ...Its my mistake and I have to come out of the guilt ...I can't keep it in...Can't keep it this way...You r so genuine my love...But maybe people like me are bad...I know this is not me ...But right now..I don't even recognise who I am !!!