Why do we self-hate?

I have dark brown eyes, ringed with dark circles. I have a fair few freckles and hair that falls a little below my chest. My skin doesn't glow and I have random tan spots. Even my skin-tight jeans don't fit 'skin-tight' because my there's no right size for my petite thighs. I wear brown grandma glasses which I hate wearing. I'm not quite curvy, but I'm not flat either. I'm not quite skinny, but not plump either. I'm in between. I'm always in between.

Since we're here talking about ourselves, It felt only appropriate to give you a little insight on how to picture me. And now, picture the rest.

So, a week or so ago, I went on a family picnic with my cousins from abroad. I don't meet them very often, probably once a year so every time they visit, there's a lot of enthusiasm, hugs, kisses and non-stop chatting. On this day, I hadn't worn my glasses (I'm not blind without them), only cause I'd started wearing them a few months ago and I'm still not quite comfortable. So, I avoid them whenever I can.

This story is particularly about my niece. She's a smart little eight year old who only speaks in English. She has a whiny, baby voice just like any other kid (which they use because they KNOW elders think is cute). She's overly disciplined and extremely observant. If you spoke to her for too long, you'd forget she's only eight.

Anyway, we'd all gone to a resort in our city, to spend the summery day outside. Before lunch, we decided to take a swim. The water was a bit unclean and the chlorine made my eyes fiery red. And when I got out of the pool, I legit couldn't see anything! Shapes and figures were so blurred that I couldn't recognize my own family. And to top it all off, it burnt like someone had decided to put my eyes on a hot pan!

I walked toward my mom, rubbing my eyes furiously and screaming 'Shit! Shit! Shit.' My niece's mom looked sideways at her daughter and said warningly, 'Language!' 

'I am such an idiot!' I told my clueless niece.

She frowned at me. I expected her to ask me why, but she didn't.

'I'm the biggest idiot on this planet!'

She continued frowning and then asked me why.

'I acted too smart and decided not to wear my glasses.'

'Oh. So?'

She still didn't understand.

At this point, I was bemused. Why didn't she understand? Why was she looking at me as though insulting myself was odd? Or unnecessary?

I forgot about it after that. But only later, as I really sat to think about it, I understood the phenomena.

Her heart and her mind was so pure, that she just couldn't contemplate why a person would insult themselves. I'm not saying she thought about it so deeply like how I am. Infact, I'm saying the exact opposite! She didn't even have to think about it. Instantly, she found it surprising that this human being, with a brain, a body, a family, a pretty decent life, is going on calling themselves an idiot!

Why?

Really guys, ask yourselves why, because I was after this.
Not only did it hit me like a freaking bus, but I also ended up feeling pretty dumb when I thought about myself, in her eyes.

You know how people say, as you grow older, you become wiser? 

I think they're wrong.

I think we're the wisest when we're young. When our hearts are so pure and so good and so full of life.
And as we grow older, our society, our people, our world takes away that purity from our hearts and makes us paint it black. Black, so that it can match everyone else's heart.

It's really sad, isn't it?

If only we could be eight all our lives.