Dear 15 Year Old Self

Dear 15 year old self,

My most vulnerable self,

In my most formidable phase.

My most unloveable color,

That I had loathed for years,

I lately ascertain how much you were genial.

I newly perceived that you were somehow cordial.

Thank you for every sleepless nights.

Thank you for those excessive thinkings.

Thank you for stuttering in front of your classmates on your first day of classes.

Thank you for the nervous breakdown on your first school debate.

Thank you for failing an exam once.

Thank you for going against your parents on your teenage years.

Thank you for loving your first young lover.

Thank you for crying too much.

Thank you for sticking with doing what you always love.

And thank you for looking up to the dim sky.

Everything was worth it.

You hadn't slept then, but I am sleeping longer these nights.

You had thought excessively then, so I wouldn't have need to worry today.

You had stuttered while pronouncing your name in front of your classmates on your first day of classes, and now I don't even have to denote myself.

You had your nervous breakdown on your first school debate, and now I don't even have to think twice when speaking myself out.

You had failed a test then, and I had learnt to get up and bounce back.

You had disobeyed your parents then, so I had been refined by life lessons.

You had your first young love then, so I had felt how is it like to have my heart broken for the first time but still managed to move forward.

You had cried an ocean then, so I had gained a pretty smile here and now.

You had dwelled with doing your thing, so I am willing now to get out of my comfort zone and try something new.

And you had seen a gray sky then, so I would witness a rainbow after.

Without your darkness, I wouldn't have shone.

Without nightfall, I wouldn't have seen another dawn.

I will always be obliged to be the former you.

For I had gained so much to be the kind of a woman I am today.

Sincerely,

— The Recently 18 Year Old You