Happy Father's Day Mom

I stare at myself in the mirror. And all I see is a lump body of a girl who's barely holding on.
(May 28, 2017)

Last night, I hear myself crying, silently. Have you ever cried so many times that you learned how to do it without making a sound? I think I am getting good at crying.
(June 4, 2017)

It has been a month, Dad. And you still haven't even taken the step back to our house, your home. I miss you a lot. Mom does, too. And all of us. We haven't confronted the fact that you are gone. I think we are all crying our hearts out, silently.
(June 17, 2017)

Happy Birthday Dad! We got used to the fact that you're not around anymore. Or I must say, we are all pretending to?
(September 25, 2017)

I love Christmas! It's my favourite time of the year. I love how the change in temperature. The Christmas feeling, kids and candies and the sound of their instruments, christmas carol. We would set the Christmas tree and Christmas lights. We would prepare foods and drinks. Dad would be in charge with the barbecue while Mom would do most of the cooking. But tonight, it's the worst. You're not here Dad. No barbecues. No Christmas tree. No Christmas lights. Mom is still at work. No one cooked. Everyone's asleep already though it's still early. It doesn't even feel like Christmas.
(December 25, 2017)

Dad, when will you come back? Christmas and New Year's Eve had passed already. We're going into a New Year now without you. We all miss you. Are you okay? Please come back home. Though home doesn't feel like home anymore. Mom is always not around. I always feel so alone at the house, I always am.
(January 24, 2018)

I heard mama crying. It was so silent. I hugged her tight and cried too. She was hurting more than I do. She was more tired. She was exhausted already. I felt her body shaking so hard as she cried. She did not speak a word but she held me tight and said, "I'm sorry." I didn't even know how to comfort her Dad. I was so focused at myself, the pain I'm in and almost forgot that more than anything,she needed me. She needs you.
(April 3, 2018)

I got into a university now, Dad. And you still haven't come home. Mom was so glad I got into a good university. How about you? Will you be glad too? Will you be able to know this? Will you come home if you find out that your daughter is going into a good university bow? Please dad. Aren't you gonna tell me how proud you are?
(April 30, 2018)

It has been a year and I have stopped crying already. It has been a year since the last time I met you. I still have your picture, Dad. So that I would not forget your face. But Dad, I miss your voice. I was trying hard not to forget about it but I think I lost. I couldnt remember your voice. The way you sing to Sunday Radio songs, the way you get mad at me, or when you try to teach me things. It's all forgotten, there are the memories but I can't hear your voice anymore.
(May 15, 2018)

Happy Father's Day Dada/Papa/Dad! Are you on your way home? I was writing these words when it all dawned on me. You're gone now Dad. And I have to accept it. I don't even know if you'll still come back. I hope you will. You will, right. Because you love us? For now, we'll take up the road without you. But soon, we'll meet you somewhere. For now, I should stay strong for Mom. I should always be her pillar now that you're not around.

(June 17, 2018)
"Mom," I spoke. She stares at me and smiles. I took some steps towards her. "Happy Father's Day Mom. Even if Dad's not around, you're doing all that you can. Please stay strong and brave. I know you are brave. I've seen it and I can prove it for a thousand times. So please, cherish yourself a little for not giving up in all those weak moments. Don't be so hard on yourself. You know I'm always here right? I love you Ma."
I hid my face on her shoulders. I was crying. She was crying. But we've found a safehaven on each other's shoulders.