I'm feeling...

Am I even remotely convincing, our do you see through the lies I speak? Would you shudder if you knew, or should I just keep being meek?

I wish I could tell you, but I don't think that I'm ready. I'm ashamed, and embarrassed, and sweaty, and I'm  always feeling regret.

I know I can't go back, so why am I so tempted? Maybe because you hoped, and pushed, and wished, and thought this was right for me. And I, right along with you. And maybe I thought  it worth the tears, just to dissipate my fears. But they never disappeared. They only grew stronger. But then I'd look at you, and you'd smile at me; and I'd want to keep up the ruse. Just to keep you believing in me.

But thing is,I've had this thought for a while,and it pulls at my heart. A few times over, its threatened to rip me a part. But where do you go after leaving all you've known?

Sometime I wish I didn't have to leave. But somehow, I'm not scared of change. I'm almost ready for it. Here it comes.......