My Dream Death

They say, be careful what you wish because you just might get it. I understand but I remember my dad told me that everybody's got to die some time. He proved that when he died, without any goodbye. 

I am not afraid to die, what I am afraid from are all the questions that circles in my head. Is there a life after death? How will I know that I'm dead? And other uncertain things that neither experiments nor sought-after conclusions can hold water. 

Anyway, let me share to you my dream death..

I want to die on twilight of a Friday, so people are already exhausted for all week's work and they won't give anymore a damn for my passing. They will only care about rest or the much awaited Friday night out with friends. After all, people don't really care. So, if you have someone with you who genuinely cares for you. My words, keep them.

I want to die on the top of a cliff overlooking the vast horizon. I am always in love with spaces, and horizons, and skies, and no one knows about it except you. I want to die sitting there while I await the sun to set and I will be mesmerized with the colorful haze. And then I will slowly close my eyes and hope that as darkness covers all the light and so my soul will be lifted to heaven. Well, I hope it'll be in heaven. 

I want to die while it's raining so that my tears will fall out as if they are cold raindrops from the sky. So that no one knows that I'm hurting, they all know is that I laugh and I smile. They will never have the chance to help me out kill the monster-like sadness that eats all the joy I have inside. I needed my raindrops to perfectly hide. 

I hope that when I die, my brother will have more time getting all the attention that he needs. I hope he spends more time listening and learning the life of other people , because he's failing to listen and learn our lives. I want him to know that I already mastered the not-talking-to-him because whenever I try, he shuts the door. I hope he finds not happiness, but joy. 

I want to die knowing that my mom knows the value of honesty so I won't get lies every time I talk to her. It breaks my heart to know that moms should be the embodiment of values and lessons in life. But as for me, I have to grasp values somewhere else. Inasmuch as I want to blame her for all the miseries I get, she still won't care. I hope she can still find her self. 

My dream death is a peaceful death where I can still have a spare time to thank the Lord for this wonderful experience and then... 

Goodbye