Old Convo

I saw an old conversation of you and me 

     and I can't help but realize that I have totally changed, we have changed.

I realized how caring you were and how inexpressive I was of my appreciation for it.

I realized I felt so happy during those times, but I never dared to tell you.

I never risked

       never set my guards down.

I was always hesitant. Always so careful. And reserved.

     But you were always there.

     You understood.

I kept scrolling down until I came to the point where I almost broke down                         the walls I built, 

                       but I didn't.

Now I ask myself,

       "Why didn't you?" 

I realized how sensitive you were.

How considerate.

How you subtly showed me my worth in every word you said.

I realized how I wanted to give in, I badly wanted to. I really did. 

But I was afraid.

And I was a coward.. back then.

You see, I've changed.

I am stronger now. Braver.

Now, I want to tell you how I felt.

         How I almost fell.

I want to tell you how much I thought of you,

               your actions.

I want to tell you that you were always in my dreams too.

I want to share with you how good we might have been.

How great we can be. How happy. 

So I started typing these words at the text box of our convo.

This is for you.

Now I want to admit that I also wished for the "you" and "I" to become "us".

I want to confess how badly I wanted to answer all your questions that I used to avoid because of the fear that all your words aren't true.

I was so excited to send it. To finally let you know. 

But then I remembered..

It was a long time ago and you have long forgotten about me.

You have long given up.

You gave up.

I suddenly remembered you gave up on me a long time ago.

                You gave up just before I finally realized that I also fell for you. 

Now I remember everything. Everything. 

                      Your love.

                             Your efforts.

                                      Your words. 

                                             I remember how you valued me. 

I remember it's too late now. 

And I remembered how I tried to forget that by now, you have forgotten about me.